I am recognizing so many shifts in my own personal work and as a therapist that I can barely keep up. What worked, even in the recent past, just no longer fits when we come into the realm of 'self awareness' as the key the to healing and creating change. There are so many areas this touches on but none more for me than the area of 'beliefs' that are limiting and ways to recognize them and move on. In the old paradigm of cognitive therapy changing core beliefs into desired beliefs seemed to be the way to go. If we have a belief, simply change the negative belief into a positive one. Since my orientation was more in the transpersonal and integral therapies, I went into Michael Losiers work looking at changing the feeling level of the belief. Change the emotion the words activate and life will respond in kind. I recognized that words such as in affirmations can have the opposite result if we pay attention to the feeling sensation the words create in us. If we don't believe the words, the affirmation will give us more of the same, responding to our self doubts.

There was still something that no longer rang true for me in that approach as well. Going from one belief to another just seemed like mental gymnastics. It may do the trick on the surface but it was still change only on the level of a mental concept or belief. Just one ego structure to another. It might have felt better, but it was ego nonetheless. Changing beliefs seemed to no longer fit into the areas we were entering. Changing beliefs seemed to no longer have a place in the area of lasting change of truly moving out of the level of illusion and into the authenticity of our true nature.

A couple of weeks ago I was perusing a web site Michelle told me about regarding the works of Jean Claude Koven. He had written a book that fascinated me entitled " Making sense of your life when your Life Makes No Sense" I was blown away by what I read some of it is pretty 'on the edge' but it was so in line with what I had been moving with. In it he describes, how belief is the lowest process of recognizing information and is parallel to what hypothesis is to science. It is merely conjecture, and a serious investestigator never assumes hypothesis is fact until it is tested through experience. Better yet, he goes on to say that belief is valid only in that it allows the structure of an illusion to maintain itself.

Hearing his words further confirmed for me that 'try as we may' change cannot happen at the level of the pattern. It cannot happen at the level of consciousness with which the pattern was created. This further implies that the very act of being aware of the pattern creates the shift. This is also what Einstein said isn't it? One cannot solve a problem at the level of the problem, or with the same mind that created the problem.

What was happening in my own process was challenging me to simply watch to see with non judgement. Non judgement, that was the key. And not so easy. The tendency to judge is pretty slippery and can enter in at very subtle levels. Just thinking something should be better or different is a judgement. We can especially feel judgmental when we see a pattern we operate from that we want to change. Or, believing we should be more recovered than we are, in a different place in our process. And we feel these things thinking it will move us into a 'higher' place. Again, believing that if we see ourselves as 'not where we should be' it will motivate us to be better. But the opposite is true. It keeps us stuck.

I think this is the limitation of the 'desired' belief work. There is a subtle judgment in there that one belief is a good belief and the other is a bad belief. There is no good or bad, just beliefs. Our purpose in healing is to discover why they were needed. They can't tell us if we see them as wrong, or in other words, are in judgment of them. We can be impacted by them; Impacted by the limitation or pain of them, but that is different than judging them. It is a quantum shift to no longer create change at the level of constructs or beliefs, but at the level of the one who created the belief. It then becomes a shift in 'perception'; becoming aware of the perceiver looking through that belief. This is awareness.

And, the most significant quality of awareness is, in its very nature, it is transformative. The very act of becoming aware changes what is being observed. Awareness allows us to go beyond the construct of beliefs and begin to ask why they were created in the first place. What purpose was it serving? It allows us to stand in the place of the inquisitive observer. Were they created to protect me? Are they still needed? Are they serving me or holding me back? It allows us to ask: If I created my beliefs then what is real. And is there something beyond belief? Is there true knowing beyond the conditioning and beliefs? And the ultimate question If I created my beliefs and I am the one perceiving the beliefs, who am I?

To be continued. Karen Stein

Here's this month's question - please let us know if you have a question you'd like answered for our next issue.

• "My family and friends know that I'm getting support/counseling from CEDRIC for my relationship with food, and they're still in the diet mentality and keep asking me why I'm not losing weight or why I'm eating certain things that aren't "diet" foods. How can I answer that in a way that educates them and respects my privacy? How can I answer that when a part of me is still full of the diet mentality and I wonder the same things?"

  Beth's Response:

  Great question. One of the key pieces I like to emphasize is that it has taken you a whole lifetime to become "educated" into the diet mentality, and so it will take a while to re-educate yourself around natural eating. Our whole culture supports the diet mentality and so it is very understandable that you are feeling challenged and confused about these issues. I would invite you to check in with yourself to see if you, in fact, want to educate your family. While family members can be involved in our recovery, it is best if they seek education and support outside of you.

  You are grappling with these issues, and the added pull, the history that comes with family makes it near impossible to maintain your objectivity while trying to deal with them. In this case I would recommend simply drawing a boundary around your recovery and encouraging your family members to seek support for themselves' through the Centre. Or you could offer them some information or book suggestions that support natural eating, and invite them to learn about it that way. It is really valuable to have the support of our family during recovery, but it is not your job to educate them.

  A huge part of our recovery involves becoming autonomous and separate from our family, and so please don't take on the added burden trying to heal or "be there" for your family as they grapple with these issues. Your job is to recover, to "be there" for yourself and they can seek support and healing through counselling. If your family or friends are not willing to respect your boundaries around your recovery then you may need to set an even firmer boundary, ie "if you mention my weight or the fact that I'm not eating diet foods when I come over for a visit, I will leave."

  This is a way of getting clear for yourself how valuable your own recovery is to you. With clear, firm boundaries around your recovery you will find it easier to lay to rest the diet mentality for good. If you can get some space from these outside voices, you will have a better chance at hearing your own. All the best to you on your journey, Beth

  Michelle's response:

  Yes, that can be very frustrating to be very fresh with a process and trying to learn new ways of thinking and behaving and to have the key people in your life questioning what you're doing and whether it is "working" for you. We're all so uncertain of our own thoughts, feelings and behaviours in the early stages of recovery that the slightest hint of judgement from a key person in our lives seems to stir up all of the insecurities and doubts that are alive in us. I would like to encourage you to notice when you're feeling a need to defend your process of recovery or educate key people in your life and instead of doing so outwardly, go within, ask yourself, where in me am I thinking the same thought or having the same doubt/concern?

  Then offer yourself the education and reassurance that you need in order to feel grounded and trusting in your perception of what is feeling good and right to you. In any instances where you can't reassure yourself completely because a part of you still buys into that way of thinking (even if you know you don't want to think like that any longer) make a note of it, bring it to your next session because that is a golden moment. It's a moment for you to recognize you've come to the current limits of your conscious awareness around this process and you're ready to take a leap to the next step of awareness. That's a great thing. Hitting that wall, feeling stumped and frustrated only means that you're about to burst through the ceiling. So celebrate those moments when friends and family push buttons and bring you face to face with any of the diet mentality that is still alive in you. That's what you're trying to do right? Find the culprit with all its tentacles and get it the hell out of Dodge!

  And please know and trust that as you no longer buy into the diet mentality in your own thoughts and behaviours, you will find, without a doubt - I cross my heart - that you can be in a room full of women who are all on diets and sharing their latest successes or failures, lamenting about their weight and what they can and can't eat that week and you will be feeling nothing but content in your own relationship with food. You won't need to say anything to anyone but you will probably feel a loving desire for each and every one of those people to experience the freedom and peace that you're living 24/7.

  Best of luck to you with this and let us know if you have any more questions!

By Michelle Morand, Founder and Director of The CEDRIC Centre.

The time management thing is a big deal for me. To me, being on time is a sign of respect (give or take 10 or 15 mins occasionally). It's also a way of saying that my time with someone is very important to me and that they feel the same. It's also a way of saying that I respect the value of that person's time and want to acknowledge the honor of someone taking time out of their lives for me. Time is precious for us all. I know that when someone is late to meet me or stands me up, it's the story that I tell myself that really wounds me and that's why I may not say anything initially. I want to take some time and work through my story and let it go as best I can, then whatever is left is what I need to bring to that person. The story is: I'm low man on the totem pole, I'm not really that important, they're taking me for granted, they really don't feel as strongly towards me as I do towards them, they're good with words but where's the supporting action. I know that things happen, sometimes meetings will run over, sometimes things beyond our control will screw up the best laid plans. And I know from my own experiences in refining my time management skills that there will always be some reason that feels very legitimate for us to be late if we allow it to make us so. I also know from personal experience that it is possible to witness those potential "late making" things arise and to choose not to engage; to set clear boundaries with yourself and with others about your needs and how much time and energy you can realistically give.

There is no circumstance (barring true emergencies of life and death) that does not provide us an opportunity to effectively communicate our needs to others. Any time you approach a situation with clear boundaries around your time and availability you will find that people gladly respect your boundaries. When you provide the framework, the sense of space and time that you have with that person is respected and appreciated all the more by both of you. In work situations, clear boundaries about your time constraints garner respect from others and guide everyone to work faster and more effectively so as to have the parts that needed your input accomplished before your deadline. I believe I am like most other people in that I am a person who needs to get an overall sense of the picture; of the amount of space / time that is available with a person or a group. Eg. If I'm meeting a friend for a drink I like to know when she has to head out so I can structure my time with her in a way that is most honoring to us both. I'm also a person who has a tough time with last minute changes to the picture. I can wrap my head around pretty much anything if given time and even see the silver lining in the change but last minute change, in the moment change, supports my story that I'm not safe; that I'm not important; that I can't trust the person who's changing the plan. Particularly if it is a pattern (if it happens more than twice over a relatively short period of time). The result of such behaviour on the part of the other person is that I begin to create emotional distance to meet that need for security that I think I have.

A relatively long-term relationship that has had many positive interactions on both parts can sustain some hiccups in communication and even a lack of follow through from time to time if those events are infrequent and addressed in a way that is respectful to both parties as they arise. For example, a friend of a few years who has been consistently on time and who has always followed through on their commitments can drop the ball on a get together (forget about it entirely) or not call when she says she will once. And if you know the circumstances that led to the lapse you, on the receiving end, can offer empathy and give the gift of forgiveness. It is still important in these cases for the person who didn't show to acknowledge the feelings of the other and to take responsibility for their actions. And if it doesn't happen again it can be forgotten and no damage done. If it does happen again within the next few months it's time for a chat about needs for respect and trust and reliability and to seek to understand what is going on for that person to lead them to be irresponsible to their commitments to you. It is your responsibility to care for yourself in these situations. If that person doesn't seem to be getting the message about valuing your time and your needs for respect and dependability it is okay to take a break, formally (ie. Tell them that's what you're doing) from the friendship or to end it completely.

New relationships are such that they really can't sustain a lack of integrity. What's the point of putting time and effort into a relationship if, in the first few months you see a pattern developing of a lack of follow through or integrity on the other person's part? You must be able to trust that what your friends or significant other say is something you can count on. You must be able to be fully present and engaged in mind and heart in your relationships or they are just a drain on you and should be let go of. This can be really hard to honor when there are traits in a person that you really like and enjoy. But the decision to move on is made easier when you ask yourself how it feels to wonder if that person is being truthful or if you can count on them to be there when they say they will or to call when they have agreed to. What's it like to doubt that person? What does that feel like inside? Well, for most of us it leads us to feelings of insecurity and doubts about ourselves and we really don't need any of that. Often times people don't demonstrate respect for others time or follow through on their commitments because they lack the self-esteem and respect for themselves to say "I am sorry but I can't do what I said I would do." It feels to those people as though they would be admitting to some major imperfection and that if they pretend it didn't happen then everything is fine. But it isn't. Trust has been compromised, the relationship has been damaged and must be repaired through behaviour, not words.

Sometimes, those folks that lack follow through and time management skills rely on their sense of humor to get them through. They make jokes about why they were late or didn't show at all or they rib us about having feelings about that. Well, that doesn't work either. The only thing that works is different behaviour and an acknowledgement and honoring of the impact of their old behaviour on the other person. I'd like to share why time is so significant to me. There was a time when I was consistently late by at least 20 minutes for everything - even client sessions - it seemed that no matter how well I planned, no matter how much I watched the clock, I always ran behind. This created/maintained a sense of distress in me that was very familiar to the anxiety I felt in my home growing up - it was normal to feel that anxiety even though I hated it and wanted to feel peaceful - it felt out of my control. I came to realize that:

A. It really impacted others when I was late and compromised my relationship with them, essentially forcing others to keep an emotional distance from me and therefore limiting the amount of connection and depth of intimacy I could create with them;

B. I had a hard time setting boundaries (because of my low self-esteem) and frequently looked to others for the permission to meet my needs or not. I would defer to them based on assumptions I had made about their needs and my beliefs that their needs were more important than mine or that they would be upset or think less of me if I took care of myself in that way.

It all came to a head one day when a woman that I dearly loved and thought of as a surrogate mother/mentor confronted me about my tardiness and lack of follow through. She was beautiful in her delivery - speaking to the impact on herself of my behaviour and asking, so genuinely, "I wonder, what is it like for you to live like that?" I remember being flooded with tears and awareness of the impact on me - It maintained that sense of anxiety; it maintained my core beliefs about being less than, that my needs were less important; it damaged my relationships with others because it left them feeling a lack of trust and respect in me; and it caused me to maintain my penchant for lies and ½ truths and exaggerations in an effort to gain understanding from others and lessen the impact of my inability to honor my commitments. It also prevented me from learning what I could realistically commit to and how to set boundaries around that. It felt like I was on a runaway train, life was doing me I wasn't doing it. This was significant in many ways because it meant that my quality of life was greatly diminished. I could only possibly have friendships with people who lacked integrity on some level themselves and who were insecure enough to allow me to mistreat them and devalue them in that way without calling me on it. This wasn't good for either of us.

When my dear friend challenged me on this I was profoundly shaken and so very grateful - in fact I regularly feel gratitude to her for her courage and her own self-respect in challenging me in that way. It was a great gift - I knew that prior to that I had come a long way in the integrity and self-respect department and this was the missing piece. As I challenged myself to only make commitments I could comfortably make even if it meant saying no to things I wanted to do and possibly not meeting the needs of others, I began to feel more and more peaceful, my relationships morphed into much more honoring and respectful connections than I had ever had before and what's more, I felt like an adult - finally - not a pretender or an imposter but like a true adult who deserved respect and had a right to have her needs met and who realized that that didn't mean others couldn't also have their needs met - it wasn't all or nothing as I had believed for many years. I began to learn the definition of interdependence. What a gift.

Many times, those who don't honor their commitments believe that if they openly acknowledged their needs ahead of time they wouldn't be able to meet the needs of the other person and they'd rather pretend and give the impression of being able to meet those needs (even if it means failing miserably) than be up front about the likelihood that they can't do it all. They experience the world as a win-lose proposition rather than allowing for the very real likelihood that a win-win solution can always be found. In a win-win world we each express our needs clearly up front, and continue to communicate about them until we find a way to meet both our needs. This only serves to enhance our respect and trust in each other and make the relationship a safe place for both people. In moments when someone doesn't honor a commitment to me, I have a need for acknowledgment rather than humor or excuses. Humor feels like a discounting of my needs and a dismissing of the other person's responsibility for their behaviour.

Acknowledgment of my feelings and owning your role in things tells me you're strong enough in yourself to honor yourself and to honor me with the truth even if I might be upset. Let go of your co-dependence and sense of needing to protect yourself and me from my feelings. Let me be pissed off, let me be hurt, let me be disappointed and trust that if our connection is meant to be I will work those feelings through and come back to it. That will take us much farther than you trying to side-step your role in things and my feelings.

And challenge yourself to demonstrate respect and accountability for yourself. To only commit to those things that are truly doable for you. And, when it happens, and it will, that you can't follow through on a commitment because something unexpected has arisen, let it be okay to change your mind or take care of yourself by changing your commitment. If you have been consistent and reliable in your relationship until that point the other person will undoubtedly hold the space for you to do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

Not 'who do I think I am', but Who am I? Really?

The 'Good Body', The 'Bad Body', The Helper, The Rescuer, The Victim, The 'Good Person', The Unworthy Person, The 'Good Girl', The 'Bad Girl', The Hard Worker, The Slacker, Powerful, Powerless, Loving, Hateful, the list goes on!

We're all familiar with these labels/assessments of ourselves and others. These polarities of the mind buoy us up one minute and plummet us into the depths the next. Most of us live our lives in this mode a lot of the time - who I think or believe that I am. What I think or believe Life is about and how to make my life or others lives fit that construct. It requires a great deal of energy to live this way. Far more than we may realize, since we may be very accustomed to this way of operating. Trying to DO Life with, and through the mind. I, for one, have found it to be an exhausting and malnourished way to live.

To let go of a mind-made image of who you are is perhaps one of the most liberating, and sometimes terrifying experiences one can have. If am not all those evaluations and labels that change from moment to moment through out the day, depending on my mood, who I'm interacting with and a million other little nuances - then, Who I am? If labels and moods and circumstances are changing from one minute to the next, then what doesn't change? What a profoundly important question. And what an enchanting answer.

The invitation is to stop for a moment and discover. What happens when I, for one moment, let go of all my notions of who I am, the concepts, beliefs, and ideas? What remains? Who has been there, always, since childhood and before? Observing the changing nature of the inner and outer worlds? Both the blossoming and the decay, and expansion and the contraction, the feelings, and thoughts, and words and actions? Who has been there, silently watching? Who knows that there was the experience of hurt, and goodness, and suffering and laughter and misery and joy and peace and despair?

Who houses all the memories and tragedies, the triumphs and disappointments? Who holds that? Who holds the body, the mind, the emotions? And who holds The Remembering? Stop - and see for yourself. - Virginia Preston

From Virginia: An excerpt on parenting from the new Eckhart Tolle book, A New Earth: Awakening to your Life's Purpose.

In the human dimension, you are unquestionably superior to your child. You are bigger, stronger, know more, can do more. If that dimension is all you know, you will feel superior to your child, if only unconsciously. And you will make your child feel inferior, if only unconsciously. There is no equality between you and your child because there is only form in your relationship, and in form you are of course not equal. You may love your child, but your love will be human only, that is to say conditional, possessive, intermittent. Only beyond form, in Being, are you equal, and only when you find the formless dimension in yourself can there be true love in that relationship. The Presence that you are, the timeless I Am, recognizes itself in another, and the other, the child in this case, feels loved, that is to say, recognized....The longing for love that is in every child is the longing to be recognized, not on the level of form, but on the level of Being.

Physical activity boosts the power of medications and psychotherapy

Sheila M. Dowd, PhD Assistant professor, department of psychiatry Rush University Medical Center, Chicago; Kristin S. Vickers, PhD Assistant professor, department of psychiatry and psychology Mayo Clinic, Rochester, MN; Dean Krahn, MD, MS Associate professor, department of psychiatry University of Wisconsin, Madison Chief, Mental Health Service Line VA Medical Center, Madison, WI

Ms. H, age 26, is being evaluated for moderate to severe depressive symptoms, including oversleeping and overeating. She has had difficulty adhering to medication in the past and is ambivalent about taking antidepressants. She takes a passive approach to managing her depression, preferring to "wait for it to pass."

Her psychiatrist prescribes fluoxetine, 20 mg in the morning, and recommends that Ms. H change her coping strategies from napping and snacking to increased physical activity. She encourages Ms. H to think about what activities interest her and to set exercise goals.

Ms. H says she has considered buying exercise equipment (an elliptical machine) and increasing her walking outside. She sets a goal to walk 20 minutes most days and to spend 10 to 15 minutes using the elliptical machine while watching television.

Physical activity's mental health benefits are less well-known than its well-documented medical benefits-reduced risk of heart disease, hypertension, and diabetes; weight control; bone mass preservation; better sleep, and improved cholesterol levels. By encouraging exercise, you can improve patients' mood, well-being, and quality of life, independent of medication and psychotherapy.

In this article, we: explore the relationship between physical activity and mental health, compare exercise with medication and psychotherapies for easing depression, and discuss counseling strategies shown to be effective in helping sedentary patients become more physically active.

To read the complete article, follow the link.

This is a submission from one of our distance clients who was willing to share a recent experience that helped her to reinforce her new tools and awareness and to feel that she had taken another great step along the path to freedom from food and body image concerns.

"As I progress in my recovery from disordered eating, I find myself more aware of life's wonderful "ah ha" moments. These moments help to remind me that I am becoming more self-aware and conscious of my genuine self (as opposed to self-conscious!) I am Catholic and each year I give something up for Lent. Last year, I gave up fast-food. When I force myself to evaluate this choice I know that my motivations were primarily driven by my eating disorder and not a true desire to sacrifice. This year, I have given up television and what a hidden blessing this has become!

Within a week of turning off the TV, I experienced one of the most powerful "ah ha" moments I've had since the beginning of my recovery. It dawned on me that I hadn't binged once since before Ash Wednesday. What had changed in my life? I was still experiencing the same stresses and was just as busy as I had been two weeks before. I had the same pressures on me at work and in my personal life. And yet, there was a difference. I wasn't sitting absent-mindedly in front of the TV, filling my mouth with binge foods. Instead, I was reading, talking with friends, catching up on housework and going to bed early (gasp!) The mere inconvenience of having to turn a page of my book with salty fingers had prevented me from bingeing.

Two weeks after turning off the TV, I binged once again. Rather than beat myself up over my 'slip', I dug deep into myself and examined the possible stressors and coping mechanisms I was reaching for. And, in fact, the binge did not come from boredom but from an emotional need to cope with the things that were bothering me.

And there it was : I'd identified the roots of the binge and learned from my behaviours. I'd distinguished between binging because there was nothing else to do and binging because I was retreating back into old coping mechanisms. In that moment, I smiled. I knew that even though I'd "slipped", it was okay. I was okay! I allowed myself to use the food as comfort while I needed it and moved on. The binge no longer held the same power over me. AH HA!!"

Hello there, below I'm sharing with you some quotes and feedback that we've received in the past few weeks from those men and women who attended our workshop on March 11th. It was a one day affair in which I crammed as much information as humanly possible and the entire 8 hours was video taped - we'll be selling copies of the workshop in three 2 1/2 hour segments on our web page in the fall. This way we can provide the workshop experience to those who live anywhere in the world.

I'd like to take a moment to express my gratitude to the attendees for being so accommodating of the time extension, the heat!, the noise factor and many of the quirks and interesting twists and turns of the day.

Everyone was so engaged and present and asked such great questions during the question and answer segments - this will undoubtedly fill out the teaching of the video and make the experience of those who view them for their own personal growth experience so much richer. I can't think of anything that you guys didn't ask! You sure kept me on my toes and I know the end result is going to be just fabulous. Thank you!

Here's just some of the feedback we've received:

"Thank you for your follow up Michelle. I truly found the course to be amazing. I myself, have recovered from and eating disorder about 10 years ago. I recognized the signs of this disorder in my friend, so I attended with her feeling she would benefit from such a workshop. Honestly I got so much out of it for myself it was wonderful. I am definitely driven by fear which I have obtained from my father, who always worried about everything. Now I feel I can recognize it and be a better mom so I will not teach my children to be fearful."

"You are obviously a wonderful counselor.Thank you so much for your seminar. It really touched my life."

"The info and presentation was very good, so thank- you for the opportunity to attend. The day produced some aaa-ha's, and a good break through conversation later with my partner over some of my unmet needs. So all-in-all a big thank-you to Michelle for a job well done."

"Thank you so much for the opportunity to attend the workshop. I found it extremely helpful and already I am implementing some of the suggestions. Definitely some ah-ha moments for me. I was sorry I could not stay until the end."

"Michelle, I wanted to pass on to everyone involved in making Saturday's workshop accessible to those with low/no finances a BIG THANKYOU. I gleaned so much information from your sessions, of which I have already been able to put into practice. When I feel like using food, I'm able to stop and ask myself what need is not being met....and awareness is the first step. I was determined to make some big changes in my life this year, and attending your workshop has fulfilled one big 'ISSUE/AREA" that has needed some attention for about 20 years. Thank you again."

email: info@cedriccentre.com

phone: 1-866-383-0797 / 250-383-0797

web: http://www.cedriccentre.com