Well, how amazing that our "Tools for Recovery" this week was meant to be on the issue of needs for security and I'm all about that this week in my personal life!

To make it as brief and succinct as possible stop what you're doing right now, well...after you read the next piece! Stop and ask yourself: "right now, in this moment am I unsafe? Is anything happening right now in this moment to threaten me physically, emotionally, psychologically?"

Well? The answer was no right? So why the anxiety? Why all the stress and discomfort?

I'll bet you a million dollars it's got something to do with your Drill Sgt. and some old crappy beliefs you're carrying about yourself that are undermining your sense of trust and security in yourself and in the world.

Let's take some time to get clear on the story you're telling yourself that is causing such great distress in an otherwise perfect and peaceful moment.

Here's one great exercise from the "Food is Not the Problem" book that you can explore this week. Some of you have already done the first part of this exercise in your work with me or with Karen and Beth. It absolutely can only help you to do it again.

Your Old Core Beliefs
Well, let’s take a good solid look at that old story of yours and what you are still telling yourself about your role in the situation. First let’s explore the old core beliefs that are influencing you on a daily basis.
1. What does your Drill Sgt. say about you when you are being self-critical?
2. What names does the Drill Sgt. call you when you are angry and frustrated?
3. What were the words people in your life used to describe you when they were angry or disappointed in you?
4. What messages about yourself did you receive from your parents, other family members and/or peers? (these can be verbal and non-verbal)
Consider the above information: If you could capture the essence of your doubts about yourself in a single sentence: I am _______________________, what would it be?

You may actually come up with a few sentences. Some common and very debilitating old beliefs that you might be carrying are: I am ugly; I am fat; I am stupid; I am worthless; I am undeserving; I am not good enough; I am not enough; I am unacceptable; I am unlovable; I am a burden. If you take a look at your core belief statements and then ask yourself “what is important about x” like we did for the Drill Sgt. piece earlier, you will discover that each of your core belief statements boils down to wanting approval or wanting security. And remember those are the two fundamental needs we have as children, after food, air and water of course.

Allow yourself to be completely honest with yourself right now about what your truly believe at your core. Remember those old beliefs are only a child’s confused interpretation of the events going on around them. They were not true then and they aren’t true now, regardless of how much evidence you could show me to the contrary.

Now think about your earliest recollection of thinking and feeling that way about yourself. What was going on there? Who was it that gave you that message, verbally or non-verbally? What do you now know, as an adult, about that situation that you couldn’t have known, imagined or understood as a child? What was going on for them? Have you since witnessed that person behaving similarly to someone else? Maybe even themselves?
This process of stepping in to a new sense of yourself can only work if you are willing to let go of your old story, which I can absolutely assure you isn’t true. I am not saying that the actual physical events you experienced didn’t happen or that the words you heard weren’t said. What I am assuring you of is that your interpretation of those events, your story, is skewed and is harming you unnecessarily.

If you find yourself feeling resistant to this exercise and to really looking at those old situations from a new perspective take the time to ask yourself: What do you think will happen if you allow yourself to let that old story go? What benefit do you get out of holding on to your old interpretation?
Sometimes we resist seeing things a new or different way, despite much supporting evidence because we fear that if we let go of our story that means we have to say that those events didn’t impact or harm us. Trust me, that isn’t so. You were clearly impacted by those events or you wouldn’t have had to use the coping strategy of co-dependency and making it about you as well as the Drill Sgt. and Alexithymia (disconnect from feelings) and food and body image focus. No one here is disputing that you were impacted. What I’m saying is that instead of just being impacted once for each incident, which is traumatic enough, the old core belief that you carry only serves to re-injure you daily. You don’t deserve that and it does not benefit you in any way. It is my intention to support you to stop.

For this week, invite yourself to be as conscious as you can of when your old beliefs are triggered. Notice the feelings of anxiety and insecurity that are clear indicators that you're buying in to one of your old beliefs. Notice what situations and which people trigger them most. This will be valuable information in the weeks to come as we actively work to change those old beliefs and support you to embrace what is true about the beautiful being that you are.

I look so forward to hearing from you about your process with this and to supporting you further in the weeks to come.
M

I'm choosing to share a few quotes from Osho this week. I hope you enjoy them and that they support you to value yourself and to feel entitled to a life of love and freedom.

Love is never a relationship; love is relating. It is always a river, flowing, unending. Love knows no full stop; the honeymoon begins but never ends. Lovers end, love continues, it is a continuum. It is a verb, not a noun.

A self-centred person is always seeking his happiness. And this is the beauty of it, that the more you seek your happiness the more you will help others to be happy. Because that is the only way to be happy in the world.

Meditation means: Put the mind aside and watch. The first step: Love yourself, will help tremendously. By loving yourself you will have destroyed much that society has implanted within you. You will become freer from the society and it's conditioning.
And the second step is: Watch, just watch. Walking, watch your walking. Eating, watch your eating. Taking a shower, watch the water, the cold water falling on you, the touch of the water, the coldness, the shiver that goes through your spine - watch everything, but love yourself first, watching comes second.

And here's a great one from Osho that speaks to his perspective that we use the word love in our society without even really knowing what it means or how to truly love.

In this quote he's telling the story of a love letter he had the opportunity to read:

My Darling Maureen;
I would climb the highest mountain for your sake, and swim the wildest sea. I would endure any hardships to spend a moment by your side.
Your ever loving Paddy.
P.S. I'll be over to see you on Friday night, if it is not raining.

Isn't that great!
Have a wonderful week and please do love yourself better than Paddy loves Maureen!

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