The term "rock bottom" is often used to describe the point at which a person with an addiction is forced to acknowledge that he or she has a problem - which can lead to their seeking help. But where is rock bottom? And how do people get there?

Wende Wood points out that "rock bottom" is a subjective term. For one person, losing everything may mean losing a marriage or their home, while for another becoming homeless is not yet the end. And what rock bottom looks like will naturally depend on what someone had as a starting point.

Additionally, Wood explains that it is a common misconception that one needs to arrive at the so- called bottom before reaching for help - often various opportunities occur along the way where the person is open to receiving or asking for help.

Sam Waldner explains that often the person with the addiction needs to start feeling the pain from the consequences of their actions before he or she can start making changes. The process of feeling the pain is a lengthy one, as the pain often serves as a stimulus to start one's self-defense mechanisms. These protect and maintain one's self-esteem (through the denial that one is an addict), allowing one to rationalize and continue with the behaviour.

In many cases, the loss of, or prospect of losing, a relationship or something of similar value can often help the person to recognize that there is a problem. Legal charges or an arrest (e.g., for possession of illegal drugs or driving under the influence) can also contribute to this awareness.Waldner emphasizes that typically the person needs to hear a repeated message (with specific observations) from family and friends that they are seeing a problem. While this information will likely not serve as an immediate stimulus to seek help, the repetition of the overall message can help to counter the "powerful and long- maintained" element of denial.

Adapted from internet article linked to MSN.

Here's this month's question - please let us know if you have a question you'd like answered for our next issue.

• "Even though I am learning lots in recovery, about my needs and how to get them met, I still experience frustration and conflict and disappointment in my life, does this mean I am doing something wrong?"

Beth's Response: I think the key word in your question is "wrong". It puts recovery in the same category as a math test, as in, there are right answers and wrong ones. Instead, it will be very helpful for you to cultivate the spirit of compassionate curiosity towards your own evolution.

Early in recovery, we might gain some very valuable tools, for example, learning that we actually have needs, and learning how to get those needs met. But we might also carry with us the unspoken assumption that all we have to do is put our needs out there and the world will respond accordingly. Life is not that simple, it is complex, filled with other individuals who have needs as well. And those folks are trying to get their needs met!

In fact, the key point is really, how do we live together, how do we work together, how can we co- exist? And more importantly, how can we have safety in a world that is so constantly changing? When things fall apart in our lives, and believe me, they will, we can still have safety and security within ourselves.

The main ingredient is not abandoning ourself when things get crazy. That is where the real safety lies. It is in staying with our own experience, whatever that may be, and really being there for ourself with compassion, even though life is turbulent.

Perhaps in early recovery, we recognize the need to get out of an abusive relationship, and it is very healing to do so. And we enjoy the safety and solitude of not being in a relationship with a particular person. But, sometime in our life, there will come another person, maybe one who is not so abusive, but nonetheless, someone who "pushes our buttons". This is where the rubber meets the road. We are faced with something we didn't have before we entered recovery. We are given the power of choice. How do we want to proceed in this situation?

We can really take time, and reflect, and write or speak with others about how we are being challenged. We can explore the situation from a view point of curiosity, wondering what the learning in this situation might be for us. Instead of placing the blame on the other person, we can ask ourselves', "What might this situation contain that is useful for my evolution?"

By asking this question, we are moving out of right and wrong, or blaming others for "doing things to us" to really taking a sincere interest in our own growth as human beings. Then we start seeing life as an experiment, rather than a math test! This is why cultivating the spirit of compassionate curiosity towards our experiences is the foundation of recovery, for it is the "oil" that keeps us evolving when things get challenging. May we all grow in compassion towards ourselves'. Beth

Michelle's response:

There are a few things that are really important to keep in mind during the recovery process:

1. One, discomfort (ie. things feeling awkward and frustrating) is a good thing! It means that you're doing something out of your comfort zone. And frankly, if your comfort zone includes harmful coping strategies like food and body obsession, nasty core beliefs and relationship addiction/co-dependent patterns, the more uncomfortable you feel while challenging those old patterns the better! (within reason of course.)
2. Two, your default setting ie. your normal way of feeling and being in the world prior to engaging in this process, is one of unconsciousness. The more conscious you become of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours the more you will notice your frustration and other feelings about situations. Don't make the mistake of thinking that things are getting worse just because you're now more conscious of how you feel about certain people and things that you used to assume didn't bother you.

This latter piece can lead many people to abort their healing journey just when they're about to make a major breakthrough in their behavioural patterns and come into a more grounded and peaceful state of being. That's because the emotions people feel at this time, compared with the numbness of life that came before (ie. with all the coping strategies you used to keep you tuned out - food being a biggy) feel huge! They feel intense and almost overwhelming at times. All that's happening here is that you're becoming aware. You're waking up to your experience of life and you're not numbing yourself in the way you used to when things were rough or too much to bear.

The reality is, you've always been frustrated, irritated, annoyed, angry, sad, overwhelmed etc. You're just conscious of it now. Many people at this stage truly wish they could just retreat into numbness because the awareness/consciousness of feelings often comes about just before you have a good handle on tools to attend to those feelings and there is a period during which we feel very raw and vulnerable. You're not "too sensitive"; You're not "overreacting". You're conscious! And many millions of people in this world, in fact likely many in your own family, are still unconscious. So, do not make the mistake of looking to those unconscious people to validate your feelings or your perspective on life. Look to those that you know are working on their path as well and you will find validation and an openness to be present with you and your feelings. This will support you to feel safe to explore your newfound consciousness and more intimate connection with yourself.

So, you're not doing a single thing wrong. You're just doing things differently and that feels different and we humans are programmed to judge things that are different from our norm as wrong. So, see if you can let go of judging yourself and your process just for today. Even for a moment. And keep inviting yourself to let go of the judgement for another moment after that. Soon you'll have whole hours and then days when you don't judge yourself or your process. And the energy you have to engage in healing and life enhancing activities will motivate you to continue to let go of nasty self-talk and harmful coping behaviours. Soon, they will feel foreign and at times even silly - ie. why would I think that eating something right now is going to make things better between me and that person? Damn good question!

By Michelle Morand, Founder and Director of The CEDRIC Centre. Hello All, I'm making this month's "Tools" about goal setting because even if we pooh pooh the notion of New Year's resolutions it's very likely somewhere deep inside us is a part that desires change and would like us to have a plan for that change. The following is my method for getting you on side with yourself and making it possible for you to make the honoring and life enhancing changes you'd like to make. Happy reading.

Background on the origins of resistance to goals If there is any part of you that resists engaging in the process of goal setting and planning, I'll bet I know whom it was. I'll guess it was your inner child who is deathly afraid of schedules and structure. You see, your inner child is very very accustomed to the drill sergeant's high-pressure tactics and motivation by criticism. And she is so very reluctant to set herself up for any potential failure. To your inner child, having a clearly established goal, especially around food and body stuff, is like walking into the lion's den. It is to be avoided at all costs.

Your inner child's reason for all this resistance is quite understandable. It is directly related to the perfectionism that we carry as disordered eater's (which is personified in the drill sergeant). We have received the message from, key people in our lives, that we are not acceptable as we are. Many of us have been carrying this belief since we were small children. And in our efforts to distance ourselves from this painful thought we strove to be the best. Better than anyone else, ever. In fact, many of my clients (and myself too in the past) have said: "If I can't be the best why bother?" Therefore driving themselves away from the pursuit of their passions. So, when we take on an idea or a goal, we don't just do it. We really, really, really do it. And still we think we're less than and lazier and have to do more than others. It is confusing to us to hear others speak of our accomplishments or of how thorough or intricate our creation is. We're sure they're just being nice, because, after all, we're nothing special and anyone could do better.

Well, maybe your thoughts about yourself aren't quite that strong? Maybe they are. I'll bet the above paragraph resonates with you on some level even if you're not the full on martyr that I used to be. Those of us who have turned to food as our coping strategy have in common the need to prove our value and our right to exist. In our culture, nothing gets more acknowledgment than what someone does. We're all about results, production, and outcome. We are so very externally focused that many people live their whole lives disconnected from their emotional selves entirely, only marginally aware of their authentic thoughts. And so, in a misguided effort to prove our value, we strive to do more, be more, produce more etc. Repeatedly compromising our needs to gain that elusive external approval.

In so doing we are increasingly detached from our authentic selves, what we feel and ultimately what we need at any moment (remember feelings are just indicators of unmet needs). The disconnect from that feeling, and authentically thinking, part of ourselves is disastrous.

You may recall when we talked about Alexithymia (a few months back) (Alexithymia is a condition of being disconnected from our feelings and of having difficulty identifying what we're feeling) that we talked about the stress threshold and how we are so often unconsciously on the verge of our stress threshold that it just takes something that is, on the surface, very minor to send us running for our coping strategy. So, it is the tuning out to your authentic needs and feelings that sets you up to binge or restrict, or drink, or smoke pot, or get in a fight or use whatever your primary coping strategy happens to be. What leads you to use your coping strategy (eg. food and body focus) is the distancing from your feelings and needs that comes from repeatedly engaging in situations where we feel overwhelmed; powerless; unable to cope and/or out of control. The alexithymia creates a state of being unsettled (permeating level of anxiety) without being able to put your finger on what you're feeling or why you're feeling that way. There is nothing more unsettling than feeling anxious and not knowing why. Our minds run amok very easily on worst-case scenarios and intrusive ideation.

But that's just what we create when we come from the perfectionist/need to prove our value. And so we perpetuate the cycle of: Feeling less than --> setting super high goals --> feeling overwhelmed --> using food to cope --> and feeling less than all over again.

You know this cycle - you've lived it every day I'll bet for at least a decade. Maybe two or three or more decades. Your goals in the past may have been food related, body related, relationship or work related, financial, etc. Whatever the goal, when approached from the perspective of a need to prove one's worth and acceptability it is doomed to fail. And if your usual internal motivation tactic is pressure and threats of punishment upon failure, well, how enticing is that? How enjoyable and encouraging and rewarding will it be to work towards that goal? How long can you keep on task? And exactly where is self- respect, self-love and self-care in that equation?

Resistance to goals and the diet mentality One of the things that has brought you to this recovery process is that your ability to restrict and pressure yourself around food as a means of weight control and being acceptable, has abandoned you. Thank goodness! But, I know that when your primary coping strategy stops being effective it's a very scary thing and we often dig in our heels and try harder, certain that it's us that is the failure and not the coping strategy.

So you've had years of experience setting goals around food and weight loss, and as a result you've come to believe the messages you've received from the diet industry that you just have to try harder next time and then you'll be successful. And so even though any positive body image, acceptance of your body and comfortable relationship with food has been fleeting and hard to maintain in your life experience so far, you have experienced it (either personally or vicariously through advertisements etc.) just enough to be certain that it's possible. And the diet industry makes billions every year, convincing you that those goals are attainable through a program of restriction and tuning out to your body's natural signals of hunger and fullness. And so, more goals are established and you have more experiences with disappointment and failure. Peppered with lots of commentary from your drill sgt. this is painful and feels unfair to your inner child and so, understandably, she's resistant to committing to anything that might not succeed perfectly and speedily. Even if it's not diet and body image related, she's exceptionally reluctant to make a commitment that she may not be able to keep, perfectly. As a result, major procrastination ensues for, how can anyone be certain they will be successful or what that success will look like when they are trying something entirely new? You certainly wouldn't expect perfection from anyone else trying something for the first time? Why persist in expecting it of yourself with this process?

The Solution All this is to say that your inner child has very good reason to resist the goal setting process, as you've attempted it before, especially if it has anything remotely to do with food and body image. She's terrified to "fail" and receive more verbal abuse from the drill sgt. The great news is, the solution is easier than you might imagine. It's time for you to practice your inner mediator skills. The nurturing parent will get a great opportunity to grow and prove to both the drill sgt. and the inner child that she can handle things. The is key to our overall recovery and development of a healthy life and healthy relationships because it means we become whole. We become a person who doesn't need facades or personas to get by - we are no longer a fragmented being and therefore we are strong and we feel it.

Step 1. Let your inner child be heard. Give her a forum to express her fears and concerns. In order for her to converse openly with you, you'll need to ensure that you're coming consciously from the nurturing parent and not from the drill sgt. The best way to know for sure where you're coming from is to speak out loud and listen to the tone in your voice as you invite her to tell you, the nurturing parent, what it is she needs in order to feel safe committing to a specific goal, or to the goal setting process in general. If your tone is terse or critical or even impatient you're coming from the drill sgt. and your inner child will not feel safe sharing openly so you'll only get the surface information, if anything at all. If you notice this happening, just take a breath and lead your thoughts to connect with the mature, compassionate part of you that you would draw from to support someone else. Let that part of you ask the inner child what her concerns are in relation to following through on setting or attaining the goal. And hold the space for her to respond. This means wait, openly and willingly. When she does share, make sure you're clear on what her needs are and what needs are not being met for her when she considers going ahead with creating a goal or with the goal as it is set now. Then, just like you would with a friend or child, acknowledge and validate her feelings and needs. Let her know you'll consider what she's said and that you won't move forward until you've come back to her and come up with a plan that works for all of you (the inner child, drill sgt. and you).

Step 2. The next step is to go within and ask the drill sgt. what his needs are. What is important to him about setting and attaining that goal? Get really clear on this. For both the inner child and the drill sgt. you, the nurturing parent, want to have a clear concept of what their needs are in relation to that goal and what needs are not being met currently.

Step 3. Take some time to consider how you might meet the needs of both the inner child and the drill sgt. Often you will find that although they express themselves very differently, when it comes right down to it, their needs are remarkably similar. Once you have a sense of how you might proceed with a goal in a way that honors the needs of all parties you will feel your resistance melt away and feel strengthened, enhanced and united in your pursuit of your goal. And if you find your motivation waning at any point in the future pertaining to that same goal, just revisit both the inner child and the drill sgt. and ask what needs they have that aren't being met. Likely you just need a little tweaking. Often we've just forgotten to attend to a particular need or, because he's used to running the show, the drill sgt. has taken over again and just needs a gentle reminder that you're in charge, you can handle it and he'll relax.

So, if you feel at all motivated to make some changes in your life at this time of year allow yourself to approach your planning or goal setting from this perspective and watch how the drill sgt. gets on board and supports you to be successful while your inner child feels cared for and develops a greater sense of trust and security in you and in the world at large. And remember if you hear the drill sgt. saying that you've messed up because you find yourself back in an old pattern or don't attain the goal as you set it - that's just his all or nothing thinking and all he needs is some reassurance that you're not giving up you just need more space, trust and time and kid, you'll move mountains!

What is a Mission Statement and Why Do I Want One? The simplest method I've ever discovered to create a personal mission statement comes from a workbook by Jack Canfield (author of Chicken Soup for the Soul) and Janet Switzer titled "The Success Principles." I'm going to share their method with you now and within minutes you will have created a mission statement that is simple, concise and speaks directly to your values and what you believe your purpose in life is. Even if you don't know in this moment what your purpose might be, you will in a few minutes! Very exciting.

Jack Canfield defines a mission statement as a declaration of your purpose in life and he goes on to say, "Purpose is the reason you create the goals you create and pursue the activities you do." So without a clear sense of our purpose in life we have little motivation to create goals and follow through in achieving them. We need something that is going to be meaningful beyond that family wedding or school reunion to motivate us to challenge those old patterns of coping. A personal mission statement is just that tool.

How Do I Create One? Take 10 minutes to answer the following questions and create your personal mission statement. Again, this exercise is taken directly from "The Success Principles" by Jack Canfield and Janet Switzer who borrowed this exercise from Arnold M. Patent. Arnold is a gifted spiritual coach.

1. List two of your unique personal qualities, such as enthusiasm and creativity.

2. List one or two ways you enjoy expressing those qualities when interacting with others, such as to support and to inspire.

3. Assume the world is perfect right now. What does this world look like? How is everyone interacting with everyone else? What does it feel like? This is a statement, in present tense, describing the ultimate condition, the perfect world as you see it and feel it. Remember, a perfect world is a fun place to be. For example: everyone is freely expressing their own unique talents. Everyone is working in harmony. Everyone is expressing love.

4. Combine the 3 prior subdivisions of this paragraph into a single statement. Example: My purpose is to use my creativity and enthusiasm to support and inspire others to freely express their talents in a harmonious and loving way.

Give this a try if you want to quickly and easily create a blueprint for your life's path! A great gift to yourself that will help direct your life choices for many years to come. I recommend printing out your mission statement and placing it in various places where you'll see it daily and be reminded in a grounding and centering way of the primary focus of your life. Michelle

I think most counsellors would agree with me when I say that one of the primary goals of counselling is to facilitate growth in a clients' self-esteem. To that end, I have found a model of self-esteem as laid out by Robert S. Helgo, Ph.D in his book "Hierarchy of Recovery: From Abstinence to Self-Actualization" to be invaluable in helping clients to achieve this result. According to this model self-esteem is the sum total of two components, Self-Worth and Self-Confidence.

Self-Worth Self-worth is our primary birth right. We are worthy because we exist. We can view self worth as a "being" issue. In a sense this is a non-negotiable entity. Many of us in our growing up have experienced confusion regarding self-worth. Perhaps we were taught that our worth was based on our behaviour. In the sense that good behaviour meant we were worthy and bad behaviour meant we were unworthy. With this type of model, we can see how our primary birthright becomes a commodity that goes up and down according to our behaviour. In a very concrete way the process of counselling helps individuals to re-claim their non-negotiable birth right to self-worth. You have worth because you exist.

Self-Confidence The second component, self-confidence, is an area that does tend to fluctuate with our performance in the world. Self-confidence is a "doing" issue. For example, when we start a new job, it is understandable that our self-confidence is shaky. We are in a major learning mode and as yet, are not entirely confident with our abilities to perform the tasks we are assigned to do. As time goes on and we repeat our duties and work obligations, our self- confidence, in our work, grows. I put the phrase in our work, in italics to underline the point that self- confidence is situation specific, we have self- confidence to the degree that we are comfortable with the tasks we are asked to perform. I may have self-confidence as a counsellor and shaky self- confidence when it comes to running the fax/photocopy machine in the office. The more I use the fax/photocopy machine, the more my confidence with that task will grow. Or I may have self- confidence in my ability to play the piano but lack self-confidence in cooking.

Often in our lives', we confuse these issues, making our self-worth (a being issue) dependent on our work (a doing issue). We can see what happens here, if we suddenly lose our ability to work we "feel worthless". Separating these components out can help us see that regardless of the ups and downs in our lives', our self-worth is our birthright. Remember, you are worthy because you exist.

Self-Confidence + Self-Worth = Self-Esteem

Beth Burton-Krahn, 2005

Childhood sex abuse increases the risk of women developing eating disorders - and can even impact on their children, a study says.

Researchers found girls abused before the age of 16 were twice as likely to develop eating disorders later in life. The University of Bristol team also said these women were likely to have weight concerns while pregnant and that had a knock-on effect on the child.

The findings were published in the British Journal of Psychiatry. The team studied 10,000 women - one in five of whom had being abused. Researchers involved in the university's Children of the 90s project found 79% of the women recalled happy childhoods.

The report said these women were less likely to worry about their weight or develop conditions such as bulimia and anorexia later in life. But of those who were sexually abused, 15% showed symptoms of an eating disorder and 30% showed concern about their weight during pregnancy.

The researchers said this was a cause for concern, as maternal eating problems after childbirth interfered with parenting and child growth. Women with excessive fears about weight and shape are less likely to breast feed. But the report accepted other distressful experiences during childhood could also trigger problems. Previous research has shown that eating disorders may be connected to a wide range of unhappy childhood influences including parental alcohol misuse, physical or emotional cruelty and other family problems.

Awareness Lead author Dr Rob Senior said health professionals needed to be aware of the pattern. "The majority of women with concerns about weight, shape and eating do not describe a history of abuse, and GPs or midwives may have reservations about raising the topic." He said the high-prevalence of concern during pregnancy was particularly worrying because of the knock-on effects.

A spokesman for the Eating Disorders Association said the findings were not surprising and should be viewed in context. "We have known for some time that sexual abuse can lead to eating disorders. "But it is not the only, nor most common, cause. Being teased and bullied about your weight is more likely to cause a problem. "What is interesting about people who develop disorders after abuse is that it is a defence mechanism; they do it so they don't draw attention to themselves. "They do not care about how they look, whereas others generally do it because they are worried about how they look."

From BBC News on line: Wednesday, 9 November 2005

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. Albert Camus

By Judith Orloff, M.D.

I am a traditionally trained physician who integrates intuition and spiritual awareness into healing. This isn't just my job. It's my passion. Intuition is a potent form of inner wisdom not mediated by the rational mind. It can be experienced as a flash of insight, a gut feeling, a hunch, a sensation of energy, or a dream. In more than 20 years of psychiatric practice, I've seen how conventional medicine can be naturally wedded with personal intuition to foster emotional, spiritual and physical health. Here are five simple, practical steps to help you develop your intuition. I not only teach them to patients, I live by them--in my medical practice, in relationships and dating, and in making choices about my health or new life directions. They will help you make decisions that inwardly feel right and reconnect with what you really care about. Finding your inner voice can give you the confidence and wisdom to face anything; following it is key to living a passionate, high-energy life.

1. Clear your mind A range of answers about wellness lies within us. But our minds are often so filled with daily minutiae that our intuitive voice gets drowned out. That's why it's important to carve out space--through meditation or spending quiet time alone--to hear your intuition beneath all that interior "chatter." You may experience it as a gut feeling, an image, or a sudden realization-as if a bright light flipped on. Once you learn how to move away from distractions, you'll be better able to discern inner messages.

Clear-your-mind exercise With the door shut and your phone off, settle into a comfortable position, sitting upright. Close your eyes and slowly inhale and exhale, letting your mind gradually quiet down. When thoughts intrude, try not to concentrate on them. Keep focusing on your breath to center yourself. When your mind feels calm, pose a question such as, "What can heal any aches I have?" In the next few minutes notice what your intuition says. Don't force it or dismiss a hunch that seems illogical. Just let go, relax. And practice. In time, intuitive answers will come more easily.

2. Be in your body Your body is a finely tuned intuitive instrument, arid you must be aware of its reactions in order to achieve optimal health. In our busy lives, many of us habitually function from the neck up. This is counterintuitive and cuts off vital energy reserves. To reorient yourself, you need to respect your intellect but also hear your body's wisdom-and pay attention to its messages. Then, for example, you can recognize early signs of pain or fatigue instead of pushing yourself to injury or illness.

Be-in-your-body exercise When making a decision, notice your body's signals. Do you feel energized? Comfortable? Is your breathing effortless? Your gut calm? Are your shoulders loose? Or do you have a sick feeling in your stomach? A lump in your throat? In all your choices, tuning in to what your body says is a deep form of self-care.

3. Sense the energy From an intuitive perspective, we're composed of subtle energy that penetrates and surrounds our bodies. Tuning in to this energy can significantly impact your mood and your well-being. Positive energy feels invigorating, compassionate and supportive, but negative energy is tiring, unkind and critical. By intuiting these differences in friends and colleagues, you'll be clear about who is nurturing and who saps your strength.

Sense-the-energy exercise Appraise the people in your life. Ask, "Who gives me energy? Who doesn't?" It's easy if you listen to your intuition. Have you ever talked to someone at a party and felt your vitality bottom out? Or felt exhausted after an endless call about a friend's problems? These are energy vampires. Avoid them if possible, and spend time with people who make you feel energized and happy.

4. Listen to your dreams We dream every 90 minutes during the REM stage of sleep. But dreams aren't captured by the intellect; you need intuition--the language of dreams--to grasp them. Engage your intuition by paying attention to your dreams. You may be surprised at the practical advice they offer, such as tips on romance and job stress. By initiating a dialogue with your dreams, you can receive ingenious solutions to your questions and problems.

Listen-to-your-dreams exercise Buy a journal just for dreams and place it and a pen at your bedside. Before going to sleep, pose one specific question. For instance, "Is this project right for me?" The next morning, stay under the covers at least a few minutes recalling your dreams. Then jot them down immediately so they don't slip away. If you get answers, apply then. If not, try again every night for a week. Keep at it-practice hones your intuitive skills.

5. Notice your beliefs Our minds are intimately connected to our bodies. In fact, no organ system operates separately from our thoughts and feelings. Studies have shown that an optimistic mindset helps promote wellness and a negative one can impair it. Letting go of defeatist attitudes that you may not even realize you have is crucial. When you evaluate your beliefs and choose those that are life-affirming, your health will benefit.

Notice-your-beliefs exercise Ask yourself, "What are my beliefs about healing? Can I depend on them when I'm sick?" Make a list of sabotaging thoughts, such as "I'm a low-energy person," "I'm too overweight to exercise," or "My exhaustion will never lift." Then replace them with affirmations, such as "I have the power to be happy and healthy" and "I deserve to lead an energized life." Repeat these each day. Reframing your thinking creates the best mind-set to stay well or recover from illness.

Judith Orloff, M.D. As a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California at Los Angeles and a practicing intuitive, Judith Orloff ("Trust Your Hunches," page 122) has a unique perspective on the ways in which intuition can help heal all aspects of life. "Intuition helped me trust my inner truth in every area from relationships to health," she says. "I'm thrilled to see an increasing number of physicians using it with patients." Orloff is the author of the best-selling Guide to Intuitive Healing: Five Steps to Physical, Emotional, and Sexual Wellness; her Web site is drjudithorloff.com. COPYRIGHT 2003 Weider Publications COPYRIGHT 2003 Gale Group

On my lucky day, two years ago, I signed up for a course about how to have a happier relationship with food. And when I heard what Michelle had to say, I knew I had found what I was looking for. Now I am writing this letter in time for Christmas as my gift to you and my THANK YOU to Michelle and the CEDRIC Centre:

Here I am, at the computer in my girlfriend's basement suite, looking out over the lake early on a foggy November morning, as happy as a clam. It amazes me how happy I am, well into middle age, living in someone's spare room, separated from my pets-maybe permanently, locked out of my house, dizzy due to withdrawal from a year- long course of anti-depressants,with a pink-collar job and an old van! I can't remember the last time I purged. I can't remember the last time ate an economy-size bag of cheese puffs all at one sitting. I can't remember the last time I ate cheese puffs at all. I don't drink heavily anymore. I don't HURT anymore.

I'm in the process of divorcing, buying my very own house (it'll be tight), and replacing my pets that are now with my ex. I've ended my isolation and am constantly making new friends. I took the plunge and bought a Westfalia camper, although at the time I sure didn't know I'd be planning to go to Calgary in it next year, on my own, to show the new Irish Setter puppy in the Nationals.

Once I found Michelle, she taught me about needs and boundaries and connected me with my rights as a human being. She taught me the use of healthy coping mechanisms. She taught me to know and trust my own values, to recognize my feelings and FIX THEM ALL BY MYSELF. She taught me not to please people until I explode and throw the fax machine across the room (i.e. suppress my feelings). She taught me not to clam up when what I really feel is anger (i.e. manipulate). She taught me to feel safe being authentic. And lots more over the following nine months. (Ironic figure, eh? In a way, I DID give birth to myself.)

After a while, I learned to consolidate all this stuff, and out of that I learned how to figure more stuff out on my own. I learned to TEACH MYSELF-and being able to teach yourself these things is the key to freedom. Now, on those occasions when something feels icky and confusing and I have to work at it, if I give it a few hours, I figure it out and can deal with it in a healthy manner.

I figured out not only what it means to HAVE my feelings, but to "own" my feelings as well-that my thoughts, feelings, and reactions are my own, not caused by someone else. I figured out how to heed the message that they have for me and respond appropriately.

I figured out that a healthy relationship is about respect for free will.

For my marriage, that meant that I learned to "let" my husband isolate himself and spend his time exclusively with his beer and tv, even if it meant that our marriage came to an end. I "get it" now, that others have to be who they are, make their own choices, and receive the benefits and/or consequences of their actions, even if those choices and actions mean we go separate ways. No more "fixing" things for others (setting myself up for resentment and so becoming the victim) when they could and should be doing it for themselves. I've learned that there is a big, fat (pun intended)difference between need-love and gift-love.

I figured out that when I act in an authentic, principled manner, and others feel "hurt" or "rejected", then that is THEIR crappy childhood. It's not about me at all. (Who knew?) The other person is in some way broken, insecure, and defensive. (Hey, not that I was ever that way, right? It works both ways! And it kept me from being able to do my previous job.)

It's not the issue, it's the other person's need to win, to be "safe", to be validated, to be clean, or to be good. Something in their past makes them feel very hurt, diminished, dirty, insecure, vulnerable, or the like. The issue now gives the individual similar feelings, which are unbearable-hence the defensive reaction. I can't fix it for them.

I'm loving my new life, and I'm still learning more about self-care every day. (Now I understand why Michelle was so enthusiastic about my buying the camper! It put me literally on the road to freedom.) I have a Feeling- Good Checklist up on my wall in my office as follows:

Feeling Good = · Sleeping soundly, · Feeling acceptance & calm, · Able to concentrate, · Having fun & laughing, · Feeling Energetic, · Feeling physically fit, · Having a social life, · Having a sense of renewal & anticipation, · Making new friends, · Interested in appearance, · Self-approving.

That about sums it up, doesn't it? Merry Christmas. Cynthia

A Message to our Valued Clients: Hello all! Due to the discombobulation (I'm sure that's a word) with the parking situation at our Garbally Road office we are forced to request our clients to no longer park behind their therapist. We sincerely apologize for this and did try to come up with other options. Unfortunately the only real solution is to make the parking spots for therapists only at this time. If you have physical needs that will not be met by walking the block from parking spots to our office please let us know and we'll make arrangements for you to park in the back. And for those of you who attend sessions or groups after 5:00 pm - no worries - the back lot is always vacant then and the above doesn't apply but we would ask that you not park in designated CEDRIC Spots at that time. We're open to feedback on how this is working for you over the next few weeks and we thank you in advance for your understanding. Michelle

New Phase 1 Group! This powerful 12 week group provides participants with the support and tools necessary to experience lasting freedom from disordered eating, The Diet Mentality and body image preoccupation. This is a week-night group, beginning in January (days and times set according to participant preferences), and will begin as soon as we have a confirmed core group of participants. To register or for more info: call (250) 383-0797.

Letting Go of Emotional Eating Weekend Workshop Hello all, I had been sincerely hoping to offer this workshop in January - but, the movement / workshop space will still be under construction so we'll be offering it in late February - I'll keep you posted on details of when exactly - likely the 24th - 26th all day! We'll cover the basics and you will come away from this weekend with a gut level knowing that food is just a coping strategy and with some fabulous tools to take care of the underlying issues that are triggering you to use food to cope.

Free workshops! In March there will be a series of three free workshops. They will be 3 hours each and cover three specific areas of healing.

1. Your Relationship with Food: Letting go of emotional eating and the diet mentality.
2. Your Relationship with Yourself: Your unique set of coping strategies - where they came from and how to ensure that only the life enhancing ones survive!
3. Your Relationships with Others: Exploring Boundaries and Communication Skills

Why are they free you're asking? Well yes there is a catch. I am videotaping these workshops to offer our distance clients so anyone who attends will have to sign a waiver giving us permission to videotape them in the audience. So, tuck that away and give some thought to your comfort level being on the dvd that goes to Georgette in Michigan or Pauline in Paris. If you're interested in coming call and let us know - we have space for about 20 fabulous men and women and we'd love to have you!

One day - Letting Go of Compulsive Eating Workshop at The Commonwealth Place. This is a one day, cram in the info and behavioural experience event. You'll get insight into why you use food to cope - whether you're a fan of restriction or more aligned with the bingeing side of things - and what specifically you can do to change that in a way that is safe and life enhancing to you. Call the Commonwealth place to register for this one - it's on January 29th (that's a Sunday) from 10 am to 6 pm. Their # is 475-7616.

We'll have lot's of other good stuff like Yoga, Tai Chi and our exercise specialists offering individual training and classes in February with our amazing new space so stay tuned - we'll be issuing another Genuine article in early February and let you know days and times of our new classes.

email: info@cedriccentre.com

phone: 1-866-383-0797 / 250-383-0797

web: http://www.cedriccentre.com