A number of unrelated events in my life this week prompted me to get thinking on the theme of all or nothing thinking. It also got me thinking on what would be the simplest way to support my clients to shift out of their old, deeply ingrained, all or nothing thought habits and into a more open, expansive and peaceful state of being and thinking.

So, here's what I came up with:
In a nutshell, if you're not feeling compassion for yourself and the others that you're interacting with in that moment (whether in your mind or in reality), you're in all or nothing thinking. It's that simple.

You may want to read that last statement a few times to make sure it sinks in. Then read on.

If you'd like to read more of this article click here: All or Nothing Thinking

This offering comes from Virginia who has turned us all on to this great writer/teacher. The title of the book that this quote comes from is: How to be an adult.

What more can we say?

The Art of Flexible Integration

The process of personal integration is one of containment, not of elimination.
We have integrated a healthy ego when we comfortably contain the full spectrum of our thoughts and behavior, both the positive and the negative, ie. 'I am much more assertive now but occasionally still passive.' We are hard on ourselves when we demand total elimination of all our shortcomings.

Integration is a human not a mechanical process. It has a unique timing over which we have no control. Integration does not mean that a problem has been totally solved and will never recur, eg. 'My becoming more aware of your feelings does not ensure that I will be there for you every time.'

To integrate is to contain comfortably both ends of the spectrum of change. For example, we will become authentic in our self- presentation and at the same time we will still occasionally disemble. Integration is not total anything; it is simply a rearranging of the proportions of life. Now we are more open and less guarded but both styles still appear in our overall behavior.

Once we acknowledge that true change does not ave to mean becoming totally different we become lighter and happier.

We are satisfied simply with increasing postives and decreasing negatives. We are more respectful of the graceful and inscrutable seasons of human transformation, always one part effort and one part timing. We acknowledge and ask others to acknowledge this in us and in themselves.

I am my present and my past so new insights will coexist with antiquated beliefs. Instead of attempting to rid myself of my old beliefs, I simply no longer act on them. I allow atavistic beliefs to be present and I act more and more in accord with new, better informed, convictions. I contain new behaviors simultaneously with old beliefs and habits:

1. I accept challenges while still feeling afraid.
2. I trust someone while still doubting.
3. I choose pleasures that may have an element of risk.
4. I let go of punitiveness while still feeling vengeful.
5. I ask for what I want generally while still allowing this strong desire to remain a wish.
6. My self-esteem coexists with occasional self- reproach.
7. I feel anxious without taking it out on anyone.

If the ratio always remains the same or keeps altering in favor of what is negative and self-defeating, we are not evolving. If the ratio is changing in favor of the positive - even a moment or inch at a time - we are growing.

- David Richo; How To Be An Adult

By Beth Burton-Krahn

A huge component of recovery is about living in a state of self-forgiveness. When we really think about it, there is no greater salve for a wounded heart than forgiving ourselves. So many of us have tried so hard to be the perfect wife, or mother, or daughter or friend or employee. We've worked our fingers to the bone trying to make up for something, some deficit somewhere, that we are convinced we are somehow responsible for fixing. It might be our parents' unhappy marriage, thinking somehow there unhappiness was our fault. Or it might be thinking we are responsible for so much of our childrens' lives' that we turn ourself inside out trying to keep their world perfect, or safe. Or trying to give them the life we never had.

Want to read more of this article? Click here: Self-Forgiveness

Hello out there! Just this past week alone I've had 3 requests for information on an intensive weekend retreat in Vancouver.

Something tells me this is an indicator that we should be doing a weekend workshop on the mainland.

So, I'm taking a poll. Who among our readers would be interested in attending one of our 3 day intensives if we were to hold on in Vancouver?

Let me know and we'll hold one in the next few months.

Thanks in advance for your feedback either way.

Michelle

email: info@cedriccentre.com

phone: (250) 383 - 0797

web: http://www.cedriccentre.com