So, we’re on a roll here. Two weeks ago I asked you to be on the lookout for diet mentality thoughts, feelings and behaviours and invited you to approach them a little differently. Last week I shared with you about the four stages of change: Unconscious Incompetence; Conscious Incompetence; Conscious Competence; Unconscious Competence. We talked bit about how to get from one to the other and I invited you to be conscious of your behaviour around food and see how sometimes you’re in conscious competence and others you’re in conscious incompetence. The value of this awareness is that you are conscious of the times you’re responding to a situation in a new way! You actually can witness yourself changing your old coping behaviours! The point is not about focusing on how many times and in how many ways you still engage in the old behaviour or thoughts or feelings of using food to cope – The point is that at times now you are not doing that!

Don’t let your drill sergeant jump in here. He’ll tell you that you should be farther along; that you shouldn’t have done this and that and the other thing. He’ll tell you that you’re moving too slowly; that you’ll always struggle with this food thing and you should just accept it and then in the next breath he’ll tell you that you have got to do something and NOW! It’s no wonder we feel a little crazy with the drill sgt. chattering at us 24/7.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the drill sgt. He’s that inner critic who is so filled with judgment and who believes that criticism will motivate you despite years of failure with that method of “inspiration” And yes, you very likely hear him 24/7 unless you’re fairly far along in your process in which case you’ll hardly ever hear him at all, he has been replaced by a truly compassionate, loving and effective supporting presence within. But for those of you who still hear him, frustrated thoughts of food and judgemental thoughts of your body will be going on 24/7 when the drill sgt. is around. In fact, you may be so familiar with your drill sgt. you don’t believe you have one! He may be the only voice you hear in your head right now and as such that critical presence may have begun to feel like you! Yes, you may have come to believe that the drill sgt. is actually the true essence of who you are. Not so, even for a minute!

The drill sgt. is the internalized representation of all the significant people in our lives as children. So, our primary caregivers (mom, dad, grandma, grandpa) and teachers, coaches, ministers, peers and siblings as well as media figures all lend a little bit of themselves to our inner critic – the drill sgt. If the messages we receive from key people were supportive, open, compassionate and patient we will have a gentle drill sgt. who inspires us with praise and validation and supports us to learn and grow from each experience.
If the messages we received from primary caregivers were critical, impatient, judgmental, or neglectful of our feelings and needs we will have a drill sgt. that judges us the same. Our drill sgt. will see us as fundamentally flawed and, while reminding us continuously of our shortcomings, he will insist that we put on a façade and adopt a persona of “okayness” so that no one else sees how flawed we truly are. That’s why you might believe that if anyone got to know the real you, they wouldn’t like you. Because your life experience inside and out has been one of feeling less than; unacceptable; and unlovable.

This belief and the drill sgt. who continuously perpetuates it is damaging to you on all levels. You cannot feel peaceful and free to be yourself and live your life to it’s highest potential if you believe you have to hide your true self from others, especially those we love and who love us. You see, we can only grow so far on our own. At some point, to reach the fullness of our being we have to step into the pool of interdependence. That means a truly equal and balanced relationship where all of you is accepted and loved and so is all of the other person. It’s a beautiful experience and life is only half a life without it.

But, I digress. Interdependence and relationships are a topic for another day. For now we’re focused on healing you and your connection with food and then we’ll focus on the next step of relationships with others. So, for this week, your assignment is: whenever you notice your critical voice – your own private drill sgt. jumping in a criticizing your thoughts, feelings or behaviours around food just acknowledge that. Say to yourself, “that’s just my old my drill sgt. trying to motivate me again!”
Get in the habit of being conscious when the drill sgt. is “motivating” you and of just acknowledging that that’s where that thoughts or feeling is coming from and not from the essence of who you are.

Next week we’ll focus on how to dialogue with the drill sgt. because ladies and gents, once you can converse respectfully with your drill sgt. the whole world opens up because you are no longer afraid to be conscious of what you’re thinking and feeling. You don’t have to worry about all that internal criticism and you can set about building that gentle and loving inner support network that actually does help you to reach your goals and dreams.
So have a great week, consciously noticing your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours around food and body image and, if they are not positive, reminding yourself that that’s drill sgt. and not you!

My favourite poem of late is from Papaji' s book "This."
Just reading these words invites me to sink "in" to the peace and 'sensuality' of Presence.

You are this Moment, do not attach your mind to any direction
No practices, no past, no future, not even the Emptiness of your Heart, not even space
To be free forever introduce yourself to this Moment This Moment is always this Now, It will not change. It is Freedom, free from mind and concepts, and is your fundamental birthright.
The best use of this Moment is to drown in It. Keep Quiet, you are Inside of the Inside. Do not dwell anywhere and make no effort. The concept of effort and practice is bondage.
Just keep Quiet, wherever you are, just Keep Quiet.
W.L. Poonja

Mmmm. So, my new mantra? "Let me drown in this Moment"
Karen