I just wanted to let you know that we are beginning our yoga classes this Tuesday night, the 17th of October from 6:00 - 7:30.

If you've been contemplating joining us, please do!

The quotes for this week come from one of my absolute favorite books of all time: The Mastery of Love, by Don Miguel Ruiz. We have numerous copies of this in our library as it is, to me, a fundamental text for personal growth and change.

"If you are aware that no one else can make you happy, and that happiness is the result of love coming out of you, this becomes the greatest mastery, the Mastery of Love"

"Self-rejection is the main problem. You are never going to be good enough for yourself when the idea of perfection is completely wrong. It's a false concept; it's not even real. But you believe it. Not being perfect, you reject yourself, and the level of self-rejection depends upon how strong the adults were in breaking your integrity."

"When we fulfill the needs of our mind and our body, our eyes see with love."

Just a wee update on the CEDRIC blog. I've been reading and learning lots and I want to read and learn more as I think the blog could be a very exciting tool for all of you to connect, communicate, share, learn and more.

To that end I want to take some more time than just this past week to create something that's really going to inspire you to connect and share with one another and with all of us here at CEDRIC.

I'll be working on that for the next few weeks and will let you know when it's up and running; how to access it; what to do once you're there etc.

So, bear with me. And again, if you have any suggestions of other successful, community building blogs that you have seen, created or been a part of, let me know.

M.

Considering that out of our entire readership I received no feedback on last week's article and yet my statistics show that hundreds of you read it, I'm interpreting that as some uncertainty as to how this homework might help you and/or some uncertainty as to whether or not you'll be able to do it. Now of course my assumption may be completely off base, as assumptions often are! If so, forgive me, and do still read on as this will undoubtedly still be helpful.

Sometimes, if we assess a new situation or tool and at first glance our Drill Sgt. doesn't think it's worthwhile, or our Authentic Self feels that she won't get it right (and therefore be ridiculed by the Drill Sgt.) and so we just choose not to even try. We tell ourselves we don't have time; or even worse: That we already know what we're going to find; we already know what's stressing us out so we don't even need to check it out. Well none of those objections to checking in are true.

The Drill Sgt., unless you're fairly far along in your process is still wedded to his all-or-nothing thinking and is usually the voice you hear the loudest and therefore feel dominated by. This means that if you don't write down the thoughts that you're having when you feel a little anxious/unsettled or find yourself reaching for food to cope, you will be unlikely to notice the all-or-nothing thinking in your story. This all-or-nothing thinking stands out like a sore thumb once you've written down your story (the thoughts that are triggering you to feel anxious).

I can't tell you how many times in my own process of recovery I was wrapped up in all-or- nothing thinking; absolutely certain it was truth and feeling very anxious and overwhelmed because my story was not a happy one, only to discover upon speaking it aloud, or writing it down that I was in all- or-nothing thinking. At that point I had a choice. I could choose to continuing giving energy to that all- or-nothing thought; I could continue to buy into it and live my life as though it were true OR I could remind myself that that is all-or-nothing thinking and ask myself what other possibilities exist.

Inevitably when I challenged my all-or-nothing thinking it fell apart every single time! Not once was the Drill Sgt. able to sustain his all-or-nothing thinking when I wrote it down and asked myself what some other possibilities were. I was freed! I could stop myself from using food to cope every time by enhancing my abilities to expose my all-or-nothing thinking.

But do you know what happened? I stopped checking in! In fact, for a few months I'm sure you could say I had an aversion to checking in! I had just discovered the solution, the answer to never ever using food to cope again and I was just pretending it didn't exist. What was that about? There were many times in that 3 month period that I had a fleeting thought: "I should write down what's going on for me right now so I can figure it out." followed immediately by a powerful feeling of resistance and the Drill Sgt. in my head saying "NO. There's no point in doing that, you already know what's bothering you." It was as if my experiences for those few short days of challenging my all-or- nothing thinking never happened or rather that I had convinced myself they were a fluke; that I couldn't possibly do that all the time; and the "piece de resistance:" That I would be "allowed" to eat for comfort and coping if I needed to if I was also aware of what was really going on.

Each of those three objections are all-or-nothing thinking and we know where that comes from. It comes from the Drill Sgt. in his misguided attempt to meet my needs for safety and approval. He doesn't like new things. He doesn't like anything that challenges his way of doing and seeing things (of keeping me "safe" and "approved of"). So telling me that those experiences never really happened the way I remember them; that they were flukes and that I couldn't do that all the time was just his way of keeping me stuck in the old, familiar and "comfortable" way of being. Paralyzing me with the pressure of having to do it "perfectly all the time" was the Drill Sgt.'s way of making sure I didn't even start. And telling me that I couldn't eat for comfort and coping if I became more capable and conscious of what was triggering me and what I really needed was his trump card.

You see, I was in that middle ground of still feeling the need to use food to cope and knowing there was something going on to trigger that need, but not yet trusting my skills to figure out what that thing was and what I could do about it. And so my Drill Sgt. got in there with his all-or-nothing thinking and said: "You can't figure this out and if you do you have to stop using food to cope so don't bother trying!"

Well, even though that line of thinking is clearly rampant with bogus all-or-nothing thinking I was nervous and uncertain enough that I allowed myself to believe it and to drop my check-ins regardless of the great benefit I had been realizing from them. You see I still needed food to cope. I was just learning how to identify my needs; I certainly didn't yet know how to meet them without food. So I needed to be able to use my food coping strategy while I figured out this piece of how to take care of myself another way.

There is nothing wrong with that at all. In fact any counselor who works with addictions or healing old habitual coping strategies will tell you that you must have a strong sense of a tool that will work to effectively meet the needs that, in this case, food meets for you before you will feel safe enough to make a confident and comfortable choice to no longer use food to cope. It makes sense that if you use food to cope with needs for safety and security and you're trying to rip it away from yourself you're going to cling even tighter to it. You've got to be clear what it is you're replacing it with and you've got to trust that that new thing will work equally as well if not better. Trust takes time to build. You've got to let yourself experiment with being conscious of your all-or-nothing thinking and of your needs and see yourself gaining skills in your ability to acknowledge your needs and to successfully attend to them.

So, you can see how the Drill Sgt's all-or-nothing thinking and his statement that if you do "this writing thing" you'll have to stop using food to cope, is only keeping you stuck; paralyzed in fear and frustration. The solution is as simple as letting it be okay to use food to cope any time you want/need and, I repeat, AND check in! Take stock! Write for a moment about what might be triggering you and you will begin to see that there is always a reason for you to use food to cope and that you are able to learn to identify the need you have and, most significantly, a way you can meet it, independent of food!

And you might want to ask yourself; if you're putting your faith in your Drill Sgt. to keep you safe and accepted, why is it that you feel increasingly uncertain, insecure and judged by others? His method doesn't work, neither does the diet mentality which only drives home, in its all-or- nothing way, that you are unacceptable and that there is something wrong with you. That brings me back to my favorite quote from author Barbara Sher: "When too many people fail a requirement, there is nothing wrong with them, there is something wrong with the requirement."

I think the same thing can be said of our internal process: If we have been trying the same thing time and time again and hoping for different results - hoping for lasting change and positive self-regard but each time only feeling worse about ourselves and more and more hopeless, isn't it at least possible that what you're trying (the all-or-nothing thinking and the diet mentality) doesn't work. And not just for you, but for anyone?

The only people I've ever known to be successful in a lasting way through what you would call a diet (ie. Weight Watchers) are those who have completely overcome their Drill Sgt. and their old diet mentality and are truly approaching their relationship with food from a place of "What is an honoring choice for me; what will bring me into alignment with my goals and bring me the greatest health, wellness and vitality?" They are using the Weight Watcher's program at that time as a gentle guide to healthy eating and not as a rigid, all-or-nothing commandment. They are still letting themselves decide what they need and what really feels best to them; not someone or something outside of them. And they are doing it for themselves and no one else.

As long as the all-or-nothing thinking and the diet mentality are allowed to run rampant in your mind, any attempt to modify your relationship with food will be unsuccessful because you are not coming from a place of esteem and positive self-regard. You are instead coming from a place of trying to feel safe and accepted through the harmful process of self- condemnation; motivation through criticism; and through compromising yourself to meet other's needs (a.k.a. Co-dependency).

It is the Drill Sgt.'s pattern of judging your needs as "bad," "wrong," "too much," and you as "too sensitive" and "too needy" that leads you to tune out to your needs and feel overwhelmed by them. And that feeling of overwhelm leads you to use bad body thoughts, all or nothing thinking, anxiety, depression, procrastination, isolation and food to cope. So it stands to reason that learning to identify needs as they arise and then how to meet them effectively is the path to removing any need for you to use food to cope. The more frequently you check in with yourself the more readily you will identify any unmet needs as they arise. Then you can set about the amazing journey of self-discovering and self-esteem building as you witness yourself acknowledging, validating and taking action towards meeting your needs.

So, if you are among the bunch who may have felt overwhelmed by last week's homework, I ask if you would be willing to try it this week and just see what you come up with.

Let me know how it goes. Have a great week.
Love Michelle

Spiritual Coaching for Self Mastery and Sustaining Consciousness: What Lies Beyond the Coping Strategy?

Many of us have had moments of peace and presence; a recognition of a perspective or consciousness that sees more of the picture. The very nature or essence of this 'space' or perspective is one of ease and effortlessness, is one of knowing there is no where to go no goal to reach. .that all that is needed or required is already here, present in the space of this present moment.

When we experience more deeply in the moment, some of us have had a glimpse or recognition that we are that 'space'. All objects of form seem to recede in importance; all of our angst; feelings of being out of control; feelings of not being enough; feelings of fear of what lies ahead simply diminish into the background. There is a 'flip' or shift, and we see that what was once background or space comes to the fore and surrounds and permeates all that is. We find we are surrounded, supported, by a benevolent, safe presence. We find that we are that very presence. We are that which is everywhere, but at the same time still have our sense of self. A sense of individuation that now realizes, is also part of a vast consciousness we are connected to. Paradoxically in the vastness we have an even greater sense of our body, but as a focalization of this presence or consciousness. The impact of these 'fears' we experienced moments earlier lose their pull as our attention is drawn to the space that surrounds the form; as our attention is drawn to a greater larger sense of self that permeates all form, yet lies beyond the form. A simple shift in our identification brings with it the understanding, the true 'experience' of our very nature that is able to contain everything, yet is that which is also contained.

Those of us who have been on a journey of healing and growth and have had glimpses or 'awarenesses' of this greater consciousness, I suspect, have also experienced the 'struggle' of maintaining or sustaining this awareness. This has been described in many ways; whether we describe this as 'mystical experiences' or an awakening experience, or glimpses of 'truth' that happen in a group or therapeutic session when we have that 'epiphany or 'aha' moment and suddenly we see something beyond the 'defensive pattern' and this brings a 'jolt' of clarity and lightness and perception that is beyond the pattern. Then we struggle and claw at trying 'get' these experiences back again.

Yes, many of us have known this experience, but as long as we see it as an experience we keep trying to get it back. We will see it as something that can be 'lost' or 'found'or worst yet, lost forever.

The question isn't, how do we have the experiences again? But becomes what takes us out of the present moment? What captures our attention and invites us to seemingly leave the beauty and freedom of the present moment? What 'triggers' us out? And is it ever really possible to be 'out'?

What if I were to suggest to you this greater consciousness that we speak of and we try so hard to recreate is never gone? That it is you. It is and can never be anything other than present. It is our perception or where our attention is directed that gives the illusion it is gone and it is something we need to find again. As we go deeper in awareness as the present moment we begin to recognize that what takes us out is a 'thought' or 'feeling' that agrees it is less than the greater consciousness. Those of you that have been doing personal work at CEDRIC have come to recognize these thoughts and feelings can come in the form of 'core beliefs' or what I like to call 'limiting beliefs' that grab our attention away from the greater consciousness or our awareness as presence believing we are less than that moment or not enough and then we can get lost in the story of what these limiting beliefs tell us. We get so lost we think we are the story and then try desperately to find our way back to how we felt before the story grabbed us again. Or, we even forget we had a time before the story. Or, the story has come up so many times before we begin to believe the story is more real than the consciousness that contains the story.

As we abide more in the present, we see these 'trigger's for what they are; as parts or energies of a lower frequency or consciousness that can be seen, recognized for what they are and shifted or transmuted into our greater consciousness. We begin to see that these 'triggers', or coping strategies are simply a product of our wounds; they are imprints in our being that are not the enemy but parts of self that are still operating out of a need to protect and keep us safe. We begin to see that what kept us safe at one stage of our lives no longer does that. It holds us back from growth and risk taking, not realizing the protection as we've known it, is no longer needed. As we realize survival is not enough any more we enter a new kind of pain. The pain of constraint and pressure of being in a box that is too small for us. The gift of this new pain is the realization and invitation into a "beingness" that is meeting a higher need or purpose of self realization. One who now sees the need to get beyond survival and safety of human desires and allow the embodiment of the "Higher" or Self nature that we truly are. It is no longer the struggle of reaching "for something" but an "allowing" receiving the truth of the present moment that is already here. You are already here. The safety, the security you are reaching for is already here and it is YOU right now in the present moment. You are That. We simply just need to Remember. And, forgive ourselves when we forget.

Some of you may know, I have my own private practice where I address and help support others with their Process and embodiment of Self, and I would like to offer this in the form of a group at the CEDRIC centre. If you are interested in exploring what is beyond the struggle of ego defences and coping strategies and feel ready in your own healing journey to come into a place of even more joy and awareness and self mastery, I invite you to contact me at karenstein@highspeedplus.com. I am interested in hearing from you, your own process in this and/or feedback. But more importantly would like to hear about your interest in creating a group with me where we can look at exploring and navigating through this 'present moment'. Through coaching and awareness tools, I can assist you in recognizing and shifting the energy that takes us out, simply by seeing it as energy dynamics. I look forward to sharing with you tools that have worked for me as we move from healing and self management into more self awareness and self mastery in sustaining and growing in this "Space" together.

Karen Stein is senior counsellor at CEDRIC as well as an energy healer and body therapist. Karen has also been trained as a "Luminosity One' facilitator and trained with Ramana Yukio (transpersonal therapist and student of Papaji) in the process of "Radical Awakening".

email: info@cedriccentre.com

phone: (250) 383 - 0797

web: http://www.cedriccentre.com