Question: I feel so frustrated with my attempts at dieting to lose weight. Nothing ever seems to change for long and I always end up right back where I started or worse. If I can't lose weight how can I learn to accept the weight that I am now?

Beth's Answer:

I can certainly hear the frustration with yourself at your attempts to lose weight only to have it come back again, and then this cycle of self-judgement is set in motion. Whereby, you will only allow yourself to feel good about yourself if you weigh x amount.

Unfortunately, this is like trying to remove a tree by only chopping it off at the branches, even if we cut it level with the ground, unless we go beneath, to where the roots are the tree will come back. We haven't dealt with the problem at its' source. The paradox involved in change is that until we fully accept where we are any changes we make are only going to be about chopping trees down without removing the roots.

At the heart of all of our attempts at weight loss is a desperate desire to be able to love ourself. We think "if only I looked a certain way" "if only this" "if only that" and before you know it, a whole lifetime has gone by without our having ever befriending ourselves'. But what about a radical approach? What about entertaining the possibility that right now, exactly how you are, you are perfectly worthy of your own love? Simply because you are you and you are here, you are worthy of love.

We somehow think that this rule applies to others. They are worthy just as they are, but never us! We put ourselves outside of the human family. We decide that we are only worthy of love if we are perfect. (The "perfect" body being symbolic for reaching the "perfectly loveable" state).

This is really the heart of the matter, a deep need and desire for self-acceptance, that seems always just a little bit out of our reach. If you just take a moment, right now, to breath and to repeat this phrase "I have a right to exist" you might notice a shift inside. A shift from living eternally future oriented to a shift into the present moment. Allowing yourself the dignity to be here, exactly as you are. If you decide to get off the "diet mentality" merry-go- round, it will be important to have people in your life that mirror this self-acceptance back to you.

I encourage you to take all the time you need to realize what your weight loss efforts have really been about and then, allow yourself the possibility that you are loveable, exactly as you are. We are all from the same cloth, we all make mistakes, say things that we wish we hadn't, fall short of our own ideals, beat ourselves' up for not being perfect, and it isn't working! Let's try a more radical approach. Let's allow that we are enough, right here, right now.

Michelle's response:

Those of you who know me, know how I respond to a question or sharing about frustration regarding weight loss or weight fluctuation. Simply put, if you have a hard time maintaining your weight you are using food to cope. Regardless of whether you are underweight and restricting to maintain that, or over weight for your natural frame and restrcition to change that; if you are not a natural weight for your body, barring illness or accident, you are using food to cope.

The solution is to focus not on your relationship with food but on what it is that is triggering you to use food to cope in the first place. What is going on for you in your present; what might you be remembering from the past; what might you be imagining in the future that would trigger you to feel overwhelmed, powerless, hopeless, frightened or agitated?

If you are eating and you aren't hungry or you are restricting when you are hungry you are using food to cope. It has nothing to do with your body, regardless of what size you are. It has everything to do with how you feel about your inner self and what led you to feel that way in the first place. Take a look back in time and see yourself as a little being; a child of 5. Did you have a preoccupation with your weight then? Had you already been trained to see your weight and body as the root of your problems? Or were you just doing your thing? What about 10 years old? 15? At what point did weight become a concern for you? And can you see that there was a time when body image and weight were a concern for you and you were a relatively natural weight for your frame?

Each of us can look back and find a time when our family pictures show us being a normal weight for our frame and still we felt unacceptable. Still we felt that we needed to be better, more, something other than what we were. We felt uncomfortable in our own skin because we had received the message from some life experience or a key person in our lives that there was something wrong with us as we were. We turned against ourselves; separated from our authentic selves and took on the judgement of that person; your Drill Sgt. was born. His mission: to do whatever it takes to make you acceptable to that person and everyone else!

That had nothing to do with your body then and it has absolutely nothing to do with your body now. You've just spent many years building a case of smoke and mirrors to try and prove that you are unacceptable because of your body. You've been trying to make yourself believe that those icky, uncomfortable feelings in your tummy are about your food intake and your weight. But again, if you look back in time you'll see that regardless of your weight you still felt unacceptable and like you had to prove your worth to others.

If your focus on food and weight is anything other than: "Am I hungry? What would I like to eat? Am I full now? Yes? Okay I'll stop." you are using food to cope. Your weight will stabilize and come to a natural, healthy, effortless place for your body when you stop using food to mask the underlying needs that you have and begin to take care of yourself in ways that honor you and enhance your self-esteem. When you begin to trust yourself to attend to every situation that comes your way with respect and dignity there is no reason to use food to cope and your body will find its natural weight.

Woopsie! Sorry about the link from last week. And thank you to all of you who let me know it hadn't worked. I swear that was the address a month ago when I was last on the site. I wonder what happened? Any way, thanks so much to you for sending me the proper link to the movie "The Secret." Please do check it out. You will be so glad you did.

The address is: http://www.drewpictures.com/? Click=528&gclid=CP2V-8qRu4cCFTg7GAod_0NXHQ

One of the wonderful things that they reminded me of in this movie and that I'd like to share with you is that it has been scientifically proven that the power of a positive thought is 100 times more powerful than a negative one.

I tell ya, that sure made me feel a lot better when i first heard that because the concept that what I think about I draw to me was a little frightening years ago when I was deeply immersed in my Intrusive Ideation coping strategy (worst case scenario and all or nothing thinking). I sure didn't want to draw all those terrible scenarios to me, not consciously anyway! So it was great to hear that my one positive thought overrode 100+ negative ones.

Every negative thought we have drains our energy. Every time we think negatively about our bodies and our weight or about something we're doing, saying, creating or that someone else is doing etc. we drain ourselves of our valuable resource of life energy. You need your energy to discover and fully embrace and live your passion. How can you do that when you are focussed on what isn't working or on what you don't like or don't want?

Just try for one day to reframe any negative thought or judgement that you catch yourself having of yourself or others and you'll notice you feel lighter and freer for just that one day of thinking more positively. When you catch yourself in a judgement or criticism say something like: "What do I want my life to be?" or "What do I want to bring into my life?" Remind yourself through a statement like that that "whatever you think about you bring about."

Well, again I do encourage you to check out the movie and let me know how you like it.

M

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen,

We are excited to be offering a Phase I intensive workshop in November. It will be held at our centre in Victoria on November 10 - 12 (Friday - Sunday) from 10 - 6 each day. We'll have mindfulness practice, group process, education, practice time with your new tools and complete each day with a grounding and relaxing yoga session with Deb Moncur in our Movement Space!

We already have some registration for the workshop and as you may know our workshops are limited to 6 participants, so if you think you'd like to come, do e- mail or call for more information or to register.

It truly is such a transformative experience and solidifies so many core principles of healing your use of food to cope.

Phase I Intensive Weekend Workshop:

Have you ever said: "I wish I could just take some concentrated time out of my day to day life and really focus on my recovery!" Well, are you truly ready to take some time just for you? Are you ready to stop treating the symptoms that arise from your use of food to cope and really, once and for all, make profound and lasting changes to the underlying problem?

If you want a life that is free from food and body image focus and that supports you to be the very best you can be, this workshop is a must.

The Phase 1 workshop will be offered the weekend of November 10 - 12. We will begin each morning at 10:00 and work together until 4:30 pm when we will transition to our movement space and our fabulous and gentle yoga instructor, Deb Moncur will lead us in a serious of gentle, relaxing stretches to ground us and rejuvenate us after a full day of processing. This truly is the best end to the day you could ask for!

We will thoroughly explore key components of the recovery process such as basic needs, coping strategies, self-awareness and our resistance to it and our relationships with others and how they help and hinder our healing.

This workshop is perfect for new clients and for those looking for a deepening of their understanding of the underlying principles of recovery. We welcome you to join us and watch yourself make a radical shift in your thoughts of yourself and of food!

The cost of our Phase I Intensive Workshop is $535.00 Contact us for more information or to arrange payment options and accommodations.

Here is some feedback from the participants who attended our last Phase I intensive. It will give you a sense of their experience of our time together.

One part that I really enjoyed was that we all ate together. I've always wanted to eat with someone who knew what I was going through adn then help me get over the feelings I experienced. I also enjoyed that the focus of the workshop was not food! I am definitely going to recommend The CEDRIC Centre. Thanks for giving me insight to my coping strategy and how I may get better.

The group was a good size and Michelle was easy to talk to and obviously knowledgeable. I can't wait to try the new strategies explained.

I found exactly what I was looking for. Answers to nagging questions I could not or did not feel safe exploring on my own. I feel confident and happy that I now have new tools that I will use. They are no- nonsense, common sense ways to approach my eating and to understand why I do what I do. I also found the permission to be authentic, validated and trust myself deeper, to finally have a relationship with me.

I gained awareness that issues I thought I had dealt with, weren't finished. I found the weekend to be a positive experience.

I got a great reminder to spend more time in the present and to acknowledge my feelings, to name them and process them. A lot of tools to use. A lot of knowledge in the handouts. I thought the group format and concentrated period of time was an excellent way to do this counselling.

I really enjoyed the weekend. The information and presentation is really great and I just want to run out and bring this enlightenment to everyone!

Hello! I do hope you had a great week. Last week in our "Tools" we talked about noticing the feeling of anxiety or of being unsettled and to look for the thought, feeling or behaviour underneath the feeling that may have triggered you to feel that way.

The purpose of that piece of homework was for you to see that for the most part there is always something underlying your feeling of distress that I call 'the permeating level of anxiety.' That something is the story you are telling yourself about what has happened, what is happening, what will happen. And that story you are telling yourself is full of bogus beliefs and all-or-nothing thinking that you've been trained to offer yourself as a means of explaining why you are feeling so uncomfortable.

When was the last time you noticed you were feeling anxious in a social situation let's say, and offered yourself a thought like this one: "It's okay, it's natural for me to feel a little anxious, I don't know a lot of people here and I don't really enjoy small talk, no wonder I feel unsettled right now."

When was the last time you acknoweldged and validated with compassion and empathy the feeling you were having in the moment?

If you are like most people who use food to cope, it's been a while. You are most likely accustomed to hearing yourself make your feeling of anxiety and distress in that moment about your body or weight; what you're wearing; what you look like; the roll around your waist etc. The story goes on: "If I didn't have this extra weight I wouldn't be feeling so anxious."

In that scenario you have just used your primary coping strategy of food and body focus to deal with naturally and appropriately occuring feelings of unease from being in a new social situation. Instead of validating and grounding yourself in your authentic and healthy reaction to that situation you have harmed yourself with negative thoughts of your body that only serve to exascerbate your feelings of anxiety in that moment and enhance your focus on your body in a negative way.

Now imagine how many times a day, a week, a month; how many time a year for how many years have you been turning your natural, appropriate responses to life situations into negative thoughts about your body, thus creating greater discomfort, and a greater need for your primary coping strategy: Food and body focus!

You have spent years building the case that everything that isn't feeeling good or right in your world is about your body. And yet, you aren't feeling any better. Don't you think that if those anxious feelings really were caused by your body, you'd be feeling better due to your obsessive focus on what you're doing or going to do to change it? Wouldn't all of the focus you've placed on your body have brought you to a solution by now?

Well, if the problem really were your body, yes, it would have.

But the issue is not really about your body or about your weight. It's about the fact that you've lost touch with yourself. You've lost connection with your emotions and your authentic thoughts and needs. That connection must be restored before you can be in a place to no longer use food to cope.

For this week, if you'd like to experiment with a new approach to your body and food focus, invite yourself to check in with your gut feeling a few times a day. And whatever you notice there ask yourself: "Independent of food and body stuff, what might be going on in my world to trigger this feeling in me?"

At least once this week, write your answers to that question down. Let yourself see on paper what is going on beneath your food and body focus.

The more effort you put into proving to yourself that there is something going on underneath, the sooner you can set about the valuable task of attending to that underlying need and the sooner you will see your focus on food and body image disappear.

email: info@cedriccentre.com

phone: (250) 383 - 0797

web: http://www.cedriccentre.com