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A Safe Place Within
How Meditation
Helped Me Recover from Food Obsession
By
Alison McCabe
Two years ago,
I started breathing and stopped bingeing. Through an acquaintance, I
met someone who introduced me to the power of the breath. Since then,
I have been on an incredible journey of healing and growing that has
let me learn to live life without bingeing or dieting and accept myself
and others unconditionally.
Recently, meditation
has been attracting a lot of attention on the internet and in alternative
health circles, but it has been used by many cultures for centuries.
Buddhists, Hindus, Christians, and Muslims use meditation and prayer
to connect with God and overcome inner obstacles to peace and serenity.
Today, we are
discovering that meditation has more than spiritual or religious uses.
Many studies have shown that the potential health benefits range from
enhancing the immune system by increasing the activity of "natural-killer
cells" which kill bacteria and cancer cells and reducing the activity
of viruses, to lowering blood pressure by increasing blood flow and
slowing heart rate.
But, more importantly,
meditation actually helps to calm the body and heal the soul. Research
has also shown that, by lowering the levels of blood lactate, increasing
serotonin production (low levels of serotonin are associated with depression,
obesity, insomnia and headaches), and shifting brain activity from the
stress-prone right frontal cortex to the calmer left frontal cortex,
meditation decreases the negative effects of stress, mild depression
and anxiety . It also diminishes activity in the amygdala, where the
brain processes fear.
However, after
two years of practicing meditation, I don't need a scientific study
to tell me that meditation works. I have experienced it first-hand.
When I spend time meditating every day, I am able to face life without
food or diets; when I don't, panic sets in, and life becomes overwhelming.
I ate because
I was afraid, depressed, and stressed out. Food was my quiet place.
When I binged I was numb, dazed, and oblivious to the painful emotions
I was creating and avoiding. When I dieted, I was so fixated on losing
weight that I didn't have to face my problems or accept that I needed
to change. The hope of the next binge or the next diet provided me with
a temporary safe place, but in the end, it only caused me more fear,
stress, and depression because it was an illusion. I was never happy
when I ate or lost weight. I was just as miserable as I was before,
but then I was starving or felt fat, too. By the time I started practicing,
I was so sick, mentally and physically, of being obsessed with food
and dieting that I was willing to try anything. I needed something that
would help me deal with those feelings without numbing out with food
or hiding in a diet. Meditation, my safe place, is just that.
When I began
practicing, I was working with an understanding and supportive therapist,
but I was missing the willingness to trust myself around food and commit
to the long-term changes recovery requires. That's where meditation
came in. From my work in therapy, I knew what I had to do, but I wasn't
able to do it until I found the peace to let my self-defeating thoughts
go and accept a new certainty: I had to recover, and I could.
Breathing takes
me to my safe place, my centre, about two finger widths below my belly
button. When I focus on that point and breathe into it, something miraculous
happens: a space opens up between me and my fear, judgment, anger, sadness
and impatience. Usually, they disappear altogether, but they sometimes
they just fade into the background and stop being so unmanageable. Some
days it takes ten minutes, others, forty-five. Once my anxiety is at
bay, I have access to the inner strength that helps me accept the truth
about myself, that I am strong, capable, and imperfect. It is hard for
me to accept my imperfections when I am not centred because I am living
in the fear that I won't be loved unless I get "it" right. But when
I am in contact with my inner strength, I am open to the truth that
I am loved no matter what I do, that I am perfect just as I am, and
that I am more loveable the more I love and accept myself unconditionally.
This is similar to what I did with food when I binged or dieted. I created
a safe little world where no one judged me and I could feel in control
of how others perceived me. Now, instead of eating or dieting, I can
breathe deeply, let go of my worries and thoughts, and be myself.
My journey with
the breath has not always been smooth. It means getting up a lot earlier
that I would like to go to class or fit my practice in, letting go of
my old, comfortable ideas about what's best for me, facing physical,
emotional, and mental discomfort, and making a commitment to myself
one day at a time. But I do these things, even when my mind screams
"NO!", because I cannot recover without it. Without my safe place, recovery
feels too scary, and I need to keep recovering if I want to be happy
and make the most out life. Now, thanks to my practice, recovery is
no longer terrifying, but a possibility, and, for me, a reality.
http://www.healthandyoga.com/html/meditation/objectives.html
http://www.healthandyoga.com/html/meditation/objectives.html
http://cms.psychologytoday.com/pto-20030424-000003.html
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